We’ve all seen them. Hell, some of us may very well know a few. Of course, I’m talking about those parents who make the rest of us wonder, how it is that they qualify to raise another human being. Many of these trainwrecks are barely competent in sustaining their own existence, yet felt that a baby was somehow in their wheelhouse.
Not everyone is meant to be a parent. And, I will take it one step further by stating, I applaud those who choose NOT to have children. These reluctant guardians are realists who recognize that clothing and feeding your lil’ ones are merely the basics of a far more involved effort and frankly, want no part of it. I wholeheartedly respect their position and commend their foresight. Because keeping a child above ground and amongst the living are mere table stakes.
For the others, however, those who lacklusterly chose to reproduce. Those who leave their kids run recklessly and ill-guided to an extent that borders on abuse. Those who clearly had no intention of giving this parenting thing a genuine try. Allow me to propose that if these miscreants feel such a paternal urge to bear offspring, why not implement a “parental license”?
The Parenting License
Much like any undertaking that may result in the marring of life. Licensing is a means of determining whether or not the applicant is truly adept at handling such a venture. We wouldnít hand car keys to a toddler or a gun to a homicidal sociopath. Then why entrust a baby to an imbecile? Just because one possesses the capability to breed should not certify them to do so. How many horror stories must grace our nightly news of children found wandering the streets at ungodly hours because their mother “went out for pizza at 1 am”? [True story] Or, an infant left alone in an unattended vehicle because dear ol’ dad hopped out to run “a quick errand”. [You can’t make this shit up] These instances and many who chime a similar tone are common and only further a need for earned privilege.
Rules & Conduct
So, how would we ever go about administering such a radical notion? Well, I’m glad you asked. Each prospective parent must subject themselves to an introspective screening process. Whereby, they are asked 3 simple questions:
• Are you willing to hand your life over to your child?
• Do you understand that “parenting” and “selfishness” cannot coexist?
• Are you having this baby for their sake or yours?
Those answers would then establish their eligibility to proceed with more advanced parental components such as care, time, and cost (both financially and emotionally). After a grueling, unspecified, period of harsh realities, they’ll be bluntly asked – “Are you certain you wish to become a parent?” And, if even a momentís hesitation is detected, their license is revoked with no hopes of reconsideration until they figure that shit out.
A Dose of Reality
As satirical as this post may be, its reasoning is completely unsarcastic. Having a baby is hard fucking work, period. For any out there who are wavering in their capacity to become a parent, ask yourself: “Am I willing to give up everything for the betterment of my child?”. The world is, unfortunately, brimming with kids in troubling predicaments because their “parents” chose to fulfill their own self-centered agenda as opposed to honestly addressing that one crucial inquiry.