By now, dads, you have realized that Father’s Day is the consolation parenting prize that you are half-heartedly awarded every year. As your partner is showered with lavish gifts, pampered into ecstasy, and praised for her very existence. You have likely just received some tool that ultimately suggests that shit needs to be fixed around the house. Please, don’t mistake my contempt as ignorance. I am well aware that a mother’s role and contribution to a child’s nurturing and development can never be mirrored by a man. And, all that she has to endure from pregnancy to childbirth, to breastfeeding, to the raising of a child, deserves nothing less than the highest acknowledgment. But, c’mon, man! Another adjustable-fucking-screwdriver?!
As a side note, for the children – Kids, try giving mommy-dearest a vacuum cleaner or a duster next Mother’s Day and see what type of reception you’ll receive. If you think her constant rehashing of the “joys” of labor she’d endured while squeezing you out is relentless? You’ll be wearing that Mother’s Day faux-pas as a ‘Scarlette letter’ for the duration of your life. On second thought, scratch that. She’ll just end up blaming your father.
Father’s Day Vs. Mother’s Day
Hey, have you ever noticed that Mother’s Day often consists of getting Mom as far away from her children as possible? Whether that be a day at the spa, salon, or out with the girls, Moms all over the globe are given a brief sabbatical free to frolic without distraction. Yet, Father’s Day usually consists of men taking their spawn to either the park, arena, the local burger joint, etc., for a day of “family fun”. Even a day devoted to the recognition of dad’s hard work still consists of even more fathering. I mean, can a brother catch a break?
Your Efforts Have Not Gone Unnoticed
Fear not fathers, your efforts have not gone unnoticed. Don’t let your children’s novelty coffee mug, bad neck-tie, nose-hair clipper, or love coupon giving-asses fool you, they do love the shit out of you. They just used all their financial and emotional resources up on Mother’s Day. So, you get what you get, and don’t get upset. Keep fighting the good fight dads. One day we too will know what it’s like to be foot-rubbed or even just left alone for a few hours. A man can dream.