Hey, dads. You have likely noticed that your home has been transformed into the least relaxing place on earth. On par with what, I’d imagine, a trauma ward may be like on any given day, minus the added advantage of anesthetics and pharmaceutical-grade narcotics. My point being, that things have changed. Your baby has established their role as the focal point of all attention. Your partner is now the primary nurturer and overall queen of the manner and you well you’re “you” but with far less sleep, more responsibility and let’s face it, a tad less recognition. Welcome to the new pecking order!
The Dad Clause
When my son was born, it became abundantly clear that I was now in the direct blast radius of any immediate, home-related, inconveniences. Meaning (for example): if there were a shortage of hot water, limited room on the comfy sofa, requested television programming or dibs on the last piece of __ [insert food item here], I’d undoubtedly be the beneficiary of the short end of that stick. An observation that I’ve since coined, ‘The Dad Clause’. Whereby, as fathers, we live for our family and not vice versa. You must accept that your child and partner may love you, but your personal contentment is no longer a determining factor. Sadly, there is not much to be done about your newly assigned downgrade. This is your life now and will be for the next little while. But weep not dads, for your day shall come.
The Turning Point
A funny thing happens once your kid moves into toddlerhood, they start to develop a sense of independence. Which in turn fosters initiative, curiosity, and resourcefulness, making them less likely to view you as a servant and more so as an educator. Your role then revamps to mentor allotted with a newfound respect, once your child realizes that you can teach them some pretty cool shit.
You will once again be revered in the eyes of your partner. As you now be seen as potential “free time from child”, taking your precious cherub out of their fucking sight and bequeath them with all your corruptive wisdom. Oh, the potential! The young mind is so malleable and ready to absorb whatever hobby, interest, or pastime you are willing to inundate them with (sinister laughter implied).
Hang In There
Long story short, gents hang in there. Sure, you may currently be taking cold showers, residing on the edge of the couch, tortuously watching Baby Einstein, as you starve from a lack of sustenance, but one day your child will need your guidance in the spirit of exploration and their overall development. And, on that day, you will possess the bargaining chip to re-establish your seniority. On that day, you can cry out for all fellow fathers: Free at last, free at last. Thank God Almighty, I am free at last.